Moving to a new state is hard. You leave all you know behind for, what you hope, is an amazing experience. For someone who grew up in the same town and attended college only an hour away, moving more than 1,000 miles away after college was tough!
I am sure some of you reading this have heard (or are still hearing) my struggles since moving away, but some of you may only know the surface level. I know what you may be thinking…”It has been 5 years, how are you still struggling?” Your right it has been 5 years away from those I know, but with 3 of those years in Texas, and only 2 in Wisconsin, finding/making friends, good friends, is hard.
Think about it…for most of us, we spend 18 years in the same town, going to school with the same people everyday. In college, you are forced to live with a stranger, work in groups, and meet people. Everyone says they will stay in touch or will be friends forever, but life happens, people change.
When I moved, I did not think anything would change. I had this idea in my head that when I came home, it would be a big welcoming and that my friends would come visit and see where I was living. Well, that was not the way it was. We would talk on the phone every once in a while, with a Skype call in there as well. But in the 5 years I have been gone, I have had one friend visit... once!
Now, I know I take some responsibility for the lack of communication as I can always reach out to them, but does it always have to be me? Am I always the one who has to spend the time and money to visit and make the calls/texts. After awhile, it just gets tiring putting work into a relationship when it feels like the other doesn't care enough to reach out. I understand people are busy but 5 years and 1 visitor….something doesn't add up .
My intent in writing this is to get some of this off my chest and to stop worrying about it, but after attending church a few weeks ago, I realized I was writing it for other reasons, reasons I am not proud of. The sermon was about one of the most well known verses about love….1 Corinthians 13:1-13.
If I speak with human eloquence and angelic ecstasy butdon’t love, I’m nothing but the creaking of a rusty gate.
If I speak God’s Word with power, revealing all his mysteries and making everything plain as day, and if I have faith that says to a mountain, “Jump,” and it jumps, but I don't love, I’m nothing.
If I give everything I own to the poor and even go to the stake to be burned as a martyr, but I don’t love, I’ve gotten nowhere. So, no matter what I say, what i believe, and what I do, I’m bankrupt without love.
Love never gives up
Love cares more for others than for self.
Love doesn’t want what it doesn’t have.
Love doesn’t strut,
Doesn't have a swelled head,
Doesn’t force itself on others,
Isn’t always “me first’”
Doesn’t fly off the handle,
Doesn’t keep score of the sins of others,
Doesn’t feel in the flowing of truth,
Puts up with anything,
Trusts God always,
Always looks for the best,
Never looks Back,
But keeps going to the end.
Hearing this verse again and in a different way made me realize that my frustration with my friends and not feeling wanted came down to me not loving. I wanted to be noticed for the things that I would do.
Love never gives up
Love cares more for others than for self.
Love doesn’t want what it doesn’t have.
Love doesn’t strut,
Doesn't have a swelled head,
Doesn’t force itself on others,
Isn’t always “me first’”
Doesn’t fly off the handle,
Doesn’t keep score of the sins of others,
Doesn’t feel in the flowing of truth,
Puts up with anything,
Trusts God always,
Always looks for the best,
Never looks Back,
But keeps going to the end.
I found myself keeping track of the sins of others, and not looking for the best. I realized that I needed to stop thinking of myself and forgive those around me.
Mathew West says it best in his song “Forgiveness”
It’s the hardest thing to give away
And the last thing on your mind today
It always goes to those who don’t deserve
It’s the opposite of how you feel
When they pain they caused is just too real
Takes everything you have to say the word
Show me how to love the unlovable
Show me how to reach the unreachable
Help me now to do the impossible
This song helps me remember that not everything is easy and some time the only thing you can do is FORGIVE.
It’ll clear the bitterness away
It can even set a prisoner free
There is no end to what it’s power can do
So, let it go and be amazed
By what you see through eyes of grace
The prisoner that it really frees is you
I have been a prisoner in my own mind. Struggling with the thought of how others viewed me, or if they cared. The only one I need to be concerned with is God…my one true friend that will always be there for me.
MY ONE TRUE FRIEND ALWAYS MAKES ME SMILE
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